be_themoon: I want a better world. By me. (GK: Walt: no idea what we're doing)
Have hit a downslump in emotions, which. Well, was guaranteed to show up eventually, because it's been more or less nonstop around here since Mary and Aidan got here. Which is loads of fun! but I reallyyyy can't handle that much socializing and activity. So yesterday kind of sucked, in that after socializing through the morning I got home and just flipped out and spent a lot of time crying in my room and watching TV shows in an attempt to calm down. I quit White Collar halfway through because Neal said "There's no way it can go wrong!" and I really wasn't up to worrying about characters at all. I rewatched Sherlock, the Moffat one. It was a fun watch, just... fun, you know? I like that. 

Mary and I are worried about Esther and have been for a while, because seriously, if the way her potential in-laws treat her is bad, and I'm not all that keen on her boyfriend either. (Or their church! which, you know, they said she had to start attending before she could officially date Matt.) They've isolated her from most of her friends - Matt doesn't want to do anything with our family, or friends, and he gives her the silent treatment or just sulks when she does something without him. It's just... there are some really disturbing signs. 

I'm not really doing all that well today, either, really. Just. ugh. 

Okay, heading out. Mom's got the laptop again, she's been using it to do school things. But I'll get to snatch Esther's later, so that's good. 

akh;sldghs;dk so TIRED. Do you have something that would cheer me up? I would welcome it!

be_themoon: I want a better world. By me. (Misc: Pic: no good reason to act her age)
FIRST and most importantly as well! HAPPY BIRTHDAY, [livejournal.com profile] zempasuchil . I hope it is a fabulous one. :D I would write you things, but I am afraid that I am too busy. <33333 I shall make do with good wishes and cheer! LOVE YOU LOTS AND LOTS.

Speaking of busy: this Saturday my mom leaves for New Zealand. She'll be gone for a week attending my sister's wedding. My older sister is out West skiing with her boyfriend and his family. Essentially, this means that I'm in charge of meals, cleaning, school, and getting everyone (including me) to school/baseball/other places on time for a week. This will Not Be Fun, especially because both of my younger siblings are kind of jerks when it comes to cleaning. I do almost all of the cleaning in the house - they do some yard work on Saturdays and make lots of messes. (Yesterday night I found molded over steak in the back of the stove, which I had had no occasion to use or clean since last Friday. I had mistakenly assumed that others weren't just dumping dirty frying pans and plates in there.) When I ask them to clean, they don't. When I get angry at them because of that, they yell and say that I never do anything. At which point I go really quiet and kind of scary. It is not fun.

Also: ScriptFrenzy and Remix, same time. I can... totally do this? Uh. TOTALLY. well, I can, but it'll be tough. but I am SO PLEASED to be writing Cabin Fever, SO PLEASED you have no idea. I have been needing a new original fic project to distract me from wanting to turn to go nowhere with you into a whole 'verse.

Three tests recently - one today, one last Tuesday, one take-home due next Tuesday. Got a 61% on the Biology test, which is killing me inside. I just. GAH. It's definitely my fault, there. *facepalm*

Okay time for happy things. happy things like writing memes! TWO OF THEM. an old favorite and one picked up from fahye.

Ask me a question about one of my fics -- characters, plot, what happened before or after, what the writing process was like, what scenes I cut or changed, other ways the fic could have gone, relevant bits of backstory/headcanon/worldbuilding, what a certain line or scene meant or was in reference to, what various characters were doing offscreen, or anything else you can think of. Questions can be as silly/serious/sexy as you like.

+

Give me the title of a story I've never written, and feedback telling me what you liked best about it, and I will tell you any of: the first sentence, the last sentence, the thing that made me want to write it, the biggest problem I had while writing it, why it almost never got posted, the scene that hit the cutting room floor but that I wish I'd been able to salvage, or something else that I want readers to know.

ETA: THAT'S IT I'M GOING HOME AND MAKING SOMETHING WITH SUGAR OR AT LEAST VAGUELY SWEET AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME I SWEAR TO GOD. *glitter rage meltdown* Shit, I knew I was heading towards this. It's what I was trying to avoid with cathartic sad TV, which worked but not as long as I'd hoped. Now I'm tired and crying in the school library for NO REASON whatsoever. goddamnit. I have a driving test tomorrow and I cannot fail it and. I just.

going home. making sugar. doing writing memes and fixing Pevensies/Winchester of Doom and I am going to HAVE A GOOD WEEKEND.
be_themoon: I want a better world. By me. (Misc: Text: own that shit)
oh hai guiz.

so, yeah, this is the obligatory 'IT'S NOVEMBER' post in which I tell you things you already know. like the fact that I'm crazy and am doing NaNoWriMo again this year and so will be extremely busy and will probably miss half your posts and/or forget to comment on them. sorry! I'll probably emerge from my cave in December, at which point I'm really hoping I'll not only have finished NaNo but three of my classes and the crossover exchange. so yeah.

in World View class on Friday, depression came up. I wanted so badly to be able to talk coherently about it and explain some things, because one of the girls was being an idiot about it, but my brain was too busy completely freaking to handle talking about it beyond telling her quietly "You are not qualified to deal with someone who is suicidally depressive. Make sure they get help." I want so much to be able to talk about these things in RL as well as online, but I just fall to pieces whenever I have to talk about it. I think mostly I was worried if I talked too much about it I would let personal details slip?
be_themoon: I want a better world. By me. (Avatar: Yue: *glare*)
Well, shit.

Yay for my dad adding yet another level of difficulty to this already crazy fall.

... this sucks. I need Oreos, or chocolate of some shape and form, or just cheering up, or something. I don't even know, you guys. I kind of just want to curl up in a ball of misery right now with my insecurities and all my other problems that my dad resurrects whenever he's a jerk, but I have two things for English and somewhere around sixty math problems to do before I leave at five.

I'm very tired of having to be the mature one.

be_themoon: I want a better world. By me. (Misc: Text: own that shit)
Stuff I did yesterday
-went 'back-to-school' shopping, or our equivalent of it. my mom hates shopping generally, so we only go on big shopping trips two or three times a year. I got cute shorts and a t-shirt that has peace's definition on it and a skirt that is legitimately adorable with really big pockets (do you know how long I have wanted a skirt that has pockets and is still cute?) and two white church shirts and new white good shoes (they are so cute!) and also slips and a tank top etc. SO YAY!
-went through my two drawers and rearranged everything
-brought in two loads of laundry
-got half an assignment for government done
-posted part 2 of the Mary 'verse, which needs a 'verse name

Things I have done today
-wrote parts of Cedric and Holland in New Orleans with the mafia (oh god help *whimpers*)
-responded to comments on LJ
-determined that 'Don't Stop Believin'' is Renesmee/Mary's theme song, most definitely
-wrote bits of part 3 of the Mary 'verse (some in comments, mostly in my head - it's set in Harvard) and extraneous bits

Things I still need to do today
-make brownies for when Papa and Sam get back from baseball
-do the dishes
-get at least one assignment, preferably two, turned in for government
-work on Latin
-finish eating dinner
-get some typing up done, of any of the stuff I've got floating in my head/on paper (this includes Mary 'verse, Happenstance Harbor 'verse, my random nostalgia writing
added
-make graphic for and pimp [livejournal.com profile] erasureathon 

So much! I'm going to turn the music up loud and dance while I do the dishes.

(other stuff in my head - it's weird, but generally the only time I actually talk about my depression is in when I'm in one of my down moods, and once I'm feeling better it's instinct to just white wash it and say everything's fine and smile a lot. I'm not exactly sure what this says about me. I do know that I'm kind of tired of feeling ashamed of something I'm doing my damn best to control, especially since it's not anyone else making me feel ashamed of it now that I don't talk about it to my sister, just me. it's stupid and frustrating and I keep doing it anyways.)

*turns on the music*

ETA: You know what? It has been one of those days (weeks, really) again. I'm getting tired of them.
be_themoon: I want a better world. By me. (Narnia: Peter: bitch I will cut you)
I'm gonna cut most of this, because it's all sorts of personal crap and I don't wanna spam my f-list with it, as I have a feeling this could get long. I just really need to talk about this, because I'm tired of just carrying it in my head and the only people I can talk about it to are Mary and Esther.
not with a bang but a whimper )

And there stands the situation as it is. Sorry, that was insanely long, but I needed to get it out and to talk about it. I'm so tired of holding it all in.

Also, vaguely appropriate icon is vaguely appropriate. :P
be_themoon: I want a better world. By me. (Narnia: Peter: bitch I will cut you)
I'm gonna cut most of this, because it's all sorts of personal crap and I don't wanna spam my f-list with it, as I have a feeling this could get long. I just really need to talk about this, because I'm tired of just carrying it in my head and the only people I can talk about it to are Mary and Esther.
not with a bang but a whimper )

And there stands the situation as it is. Sorry, that was insanely long, but I needed to get it out and to talk about it. I'm so tired of holding it all in.

Also, vaguely appropriate icon is vaguely appropriate. :P
be_themoon: I want a better world. By me. (Avatar: Katara: bend don't break)
I'm crying, and I don't even know why there is no even semi-reasonable reason to be crying, I've had a great day and week, and this is possibly the most frustrating part of it all.

I'm just going to go punch a wall or something. I thought this had stopped, at least for the summer.

It's not even the time of the month. Damn it, what the hell is wrong with me?

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I can learn to stand alone

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