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be_themoonTitle: The One Unchanging Thing Is I
Characters/Pairings: Renesmee Cullen
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Unexplicit violence/murder.
When: After Breaking Dawn.
Summary: She is always moving on.
Disclaimer: The Twilight books are not mine, and I am thankful.
Author's Note: Continuation to Going South. Things that come after. Title comes from White Fog by Sara Teasdale, which can be found here. This 'verse may still not be done, because I really, really want to see her with the Volturi sometime, and also there's so much from her years at Harvard I never said.
+
She goes slow at first, because she doesn't want to be anything but normal, slides in and out of towns like water, there and then gone. She stands by the side of the road patiently, waiting for someone to pick her up, and when they do she fills the silence slowly too, small conversations, questions like "How are you?" and "And your family?", things she's only lately learned to ask.
She eats waffles covered with strawberries and whipped cream for breakfast at roadside diners and licks blood off of her lips at night.
You were wrong, she writes to her father. Killing a murderer does not make you as bad as them. You were wrong. But she never mails the letter. He would not believe her, and she does not seek his approval anymore.
+
She walks down the highways in the middle of Arizona, and knows that she could move faster if she wanted to.
It is peaceful in the summer sun.
+
Heraclitus had said, The only constant is change.
Sometimes she just sits in a field and watches it shift around her, changing as she never will.
+
The simple fact of the matter is, she should not exist. Renesmee Cullen is an anomaly in time and space, one of a very few such. It is why she became Mary Blake, who can walk down the highway in the sunlight without worry (who will note her slight shimmer from the speeding cars passing by?), who can kiss boys at bars, who carries the proof of her existence in the documents in her bag and in her own head. Who can laugh at the idea of a Destiny (she has escaped) and work in dirty gas stations and not worry about what to tell people.
She won't be here long anyway.
"Just travelling," she tells people who ask.
She is always moving on.
+
These days, she walks more often than she hitches lifts. It is slower and calmer, a way to keep track of the days passing and the miles she walks.
+
Heraclitus also said You cannot step twice in the same river.
+
Charlie does not look surprised when he opens the door, just smiles soft and says, "Nice to see you, kid," and lets her walk past him.
They cook dinner together, fried fish and salad, and Mary-who-was-Renesmee asks if she can dye her hair in the sink.
"I'm thinking back to red," she says, short peroxide blonde hair flopping into her face, and he smiles, warm like the sun and so human she feels something like jealousy.
"I'm sure it'll look fantastic," he says. "Want to go fishing with me tomorrow?" She says yes, of course I do, and watches basketball with him, head on his shoulder.
There is gray in his hair.
+
When is death not within ourselves? Heraclitus had asked, thousands of years ago.
+
"They love you, you know," he says. "They're your parents."
She has watched other people's parents, listened to other's stories about their parents. Parents pick you up when you fall down.
She has never fallen down.
"Yeah, I know," she says for lack of anything else to say.
Before she walks out into the forest, he hugs her and gives her a slip of paper with their phone number.
"You should let them know you're okay sometime," he says, and then makes her take half the fish they caught together. "Yours fair and square," he says. And, "I'll be here whenever you want to drop by or call." And, "Have fun, kid."
"Thanks," she says, and "I will," and moves steady and slow like water, one foot in front of the other, drip drip drip, keeps moving but doesn't leave him behind.
+
"Hey mom," she says from a payphone in California.
+
She wants to tell her mother about girl things, about kissing boys in bars and first dates, but her mother believes in true love and imprinting, so she doesn't.
"How is everyone?" she asks instead, and deflects their questions about her.
+
The road up and the road down are one and the same. Heraclitus again, and she thinks he must never have gone up a hill and then down the other side, slow in the afternoon sun, steps calm and sure heading towards nowhere.
Characters/Pairings: Renesmee Cullen
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Unexplicit violence/murder.
When: After Breaking Dawn.
Summary: She is always moving on.
Disclaimer: The Twilight books are not mine, and I am thankful.
Author's Note: Continuation to Going South. Things that come after. Title comes from White Fog by Sara Teasdale, which can be found here. This 'verse may still not be done, because I really, really want to see her with the Volturi sometime, and also there's so much from her years at Harvard I never said.
+
She goes slow at first, because she doesn't want to be anything but normal, slides in and out of towns like water, there and then gone. She stands by the side of the road patiently, waiting for someone to pick her up, and when they do she fills the silence slowly too, small conversations, questions like "How are you?" and "And your family?", things she's only lately learned to ask.
She eats waffles covered with strawberries and whipped cream for breakfast at roadside diners and licks blood off of her lips at night.
You were wrong, she writes to her father. Killing a murderer does not make you as bad as them. You were wrong. But she never mails the letter. He would not believe her, and she does not seek his approval anymore.
+
She walks down the highways in the middle of Arizona, and knows that she could move faster if she wanted to.
It is peaceful in the summer sun.
+
Heraclitus had said, The only constant is change.
Sometimes she just sits in a field and watches it shift around her, changing as she never will.
+
The simple fact of the matter is, she should not exist. Renesmee Cullen is an anomaly in time and space, one of a very few such. It is why she became Mary Blake, who can walk down the highway in the sunlight without worry (who will note her slight shimmer from the speeding cars passing by?), who can kiss boys at bars, who carries the proof of her existence in the documents in her bag and in her own head. Who can laugh at the idea of a Destiny (she has escaped) and work in dirty gas stations and not worry about what to tell people.
She won't be here long anyway.
"Just travelling," she tells people who ask.
She is always moving on.
+
These days, she walks more often than she hitches lifts. It is slower and calmer, a way to keep track of the days passing and the miles she walks.
+
Heraclitus also said You cannot step twice in the same river.
+
Charlie does not look surprised when he opens the door, just smiles soft and says, "Nice to see you, kid," and lets her walk past him.
They cook dinner together, fried fish and salad, and Mary-who-was-Renesmee asks if she can dye her hair in the sink.
"I'm thinking back to red," she says, short peroxide blonde hair flopping into her face, and he smiles, warm like the sun and so human she feels something like jealousy.
"I'm sure it'll look fantastic," he says. "Want to go fishing with me tomorrow?" She says yes, of course I do, and watches basketball with him, head on his shoulder.
There is gray in his hair.
+
When is death not within ourselves? Heraclitus had asked, thousands of years ago.
+
"They love you, you know," he says. "They're your parents."
She has watched other people's parents, listened to other's stories about their parents. Parents pick you up when you fall down.
She has never fallen down.
"Yeah, I know," she says for lack of anything else to say.
Before she walks out into the forest, he hugs her and gives her a slip of paper with their phone number.
"You should let them know you're okay sometime," he says, and then makes her take half the fish they caught together. "Yours fair and square," he says. And, "I'll be here whenever you want to drop by or call." And, "Have fun, kid."
"Thanks," she says, and "I will," and moves steady and slow like water, one foot in front of the other, drip drip drip, keeps moving but doesn't leave him behind.
+
"Hey mom," she says from a payphone in California.
+
She wants to tell her mother about girl things, about kissing boys in bars and first dates, but her mother believes in true love and imprinting, so she doesn't.
"How is everyone?" she asks instead, and deflects their questions about her.
+
The road up and the road down are one and the same. Heraclitus again, and she thinks he must never have gone up a hill and then down the other side, slow in the afternoon sun, steps calm and sure heading towards nowhere.
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no subject
Date: 2009-07-21 11:11 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-07-21 11:39 pm (UTC)She has never fallen down. -- cause that's it isn't it? They never got to be her parents because she didn't need them, and therefore they never grew attached... She never skinned her knee and cried on her fathers shoulder, and she never came home crying because a boy pulled her pigtails and called her ugly and her mom never got to tell her that was only because he likes her.
I also liked the paragraph about Bella believing in true love and Renesmee not telling her about all the things she's done.
Brilliant Betsy. Me likes it very much!
no subject
Date: 2009-07-22 12:09 am (UTC)She has watched other people's parents, listened to others stories about their parents. Parents pick you up when you fall down.
She has never fallen down. YES OMG YES THIS. You never bond with someone if you never really need them. (Also, should there be an apostrophe in others?)
She wants to tell her mother about girl things, about kissing boys in bars and first dates, but her mother believes in true love and imprinting, so she doesn't.
I think that's everything I hate about Twilight, right there.
no subject
Date: 2009-07-22 12:27 am (UTC)Love this line. Seriously. :3 Can't pin point just why exactly, but I do.
She wants to tell her mother about girl things, about kissing boys in bars and first dates, but her mother believes in true love and imprinting, so she doesn't.
I absolutely love how you can make me feel sorry for Ren--I mean, Mary. ;) I love the name change, by the way.
And lastly:
She has watched other people's parents, listened to others stories about their parents. Parents pick you up when you fall down.
She has never fallen down.
THIS. SO. FUCKING. HARD. :3 <33333
no subject
Date: 2009-07-22 01:24 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-07-22 01:35 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-07-22 01:59 am (UTC)She has watched other people's parents, listened to other's stories about their parents. Parents pick you up when you fall down.
She has never fallen down.
And I love the way Mary ('cause that's who she is now) just keeps on distancing herself more and more from her family and their beliefs and how they're completely different from her own simple life. It's awesome.
Another awesome fic, bb! ♥
no subject
Date: 2009-07-22 04:20 am (UTC)This is a great part:
The only constant is change.
Sometimes she just sits in a field and watches it shift around her, changing as she never will.
So sad.
Everyone above me picked out all the lines I love the most: Never falling down, not needing her father's approval and the best one:
She wants to tell her mother about girl things, about kissing boys in bars and first dates, but her mother believes in true love and imprinting, so she doesn't.
Also I LOVE Charlie and their relationship. It is going to kill me when he dies.
no subject
Date: 2009-07-22 10:07 am (UTC)She wants to tell her mother about girl things, about kissing boys in bars and first dates, but her mother believes in true love and imprinting, so she doesn't.
HOW PERFECT, YES YES YES. She is so very reckless in some ways, with her not trying to totally stifle her vampireness, but so very sensible in others, like not confronting her mother when she knows they'll never understand each other.
I love the Heraclitus bits in here, especially When is death not within ourselves? That made me shiver; it's perfect for this.
oh Charlie <333 this is my other favorite line: moves steady and slow like water, one foot in front of the other, drip drip drip, keeps moving but doesn't leave him behind. Doesn't leave him behind awww <333333 I love how she does that - keeps moving but doesn't leave everything behind. She's left her family but she calls her mom, she writes letters to her dad if she doesn't send them, she's very strongly a vampire but doesn't care to use the speed, chooses her own pace. Wonderful.
no subject
Date: 2009-07-22 08:16 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-07-22 08:17 pm (UTC)Thanks! I'm glad you're liking it.
no subject
Date: 2009-07-22 08:23 pm (UTC)I apparently really got those two parts right, because just about everyone's quoted them. And I think I know why, because I wouldn't love my mother so much if she hadn't worked so hard to try to understand me and help me and taken care of me when I was sick or injured.
How can she tell Bella about the nice boy two towns back who told her she should let her hair grow out natural, it must be beautiful, because Bella would just say something like "Jake is so worried about you, Nessie," and sound extremely dubious of the whole idea.
EVERYTHING I HATE ABOUT TWILIGHT, TOO.
no subject
Date: 2009-07-22 08:25 pm (UTC)I KNOW I KNOW. She wasn't with them long enough to form the attachment parents and children have! She was too perfect and spoiled to form the attachment! It was just... completely ridiculous on SMeyer's part ARGH.
YAY. Thank you!
no subject
Date: 2009-07-22 08:26 pm (UTC)XD Me and Narnia are BFF's.
no subject
Date: 2009-07-22 08:28 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-07-22 08:30 pm (UTC)It's a delicate balance really, how she is distancing herself but at the same time not leaving them behind. she carries them with her and feels free to disagree.
she does not have to be them, and they are not her.
<33333 yay I'm glad you like it!
no subject
Date: 2009-07-22 08:32 pm (UTC)Thank you! I'm glad you're enjoying it.
(also, omg I actually have part of what happens when Charlie dies written out in my head. um, I'm trying to put off writing it down, because he's her anchor, and yeah, it's going to be pretty sad. D:)
no subject
Date: 2009-07-22 08:47 pm (UTC)And really, Bella's never had to work for a relationship...how can she help her daughter learn how to date and work at romance?
no subject
Date: 2009-07-22 08:47 pm (UTC)She knows how to pick her battles! (I have written meta/fic in so many of my replies now that I should just gather them and go 'OKAY THIS MAKES A FIC'. hee.
I looked up 'the only constant is change' and found a page with some of his quotes on it and when I saw the When is death not within ourselves? one I sort of squeed and kept him for the rest of the fic. FOREVER, actually.
I said to
she does not have to be them, and they are not her. and yeah, I think that's more or less the thing. You do not have to leave them behind to move on. And it is a delicate balance, and it took her a while to achieve it (at least a year or two to simply call her parents).
ALSO, OMG YOU PICKED MY FAVORITE LINEEE. The moves steady and slow like water line. heeee!
(also, family is not the people you surround yourself with, it is the people you carry in your heart. she does not know them well enough yet to love them, but she is keeping them in her heart until she is ready to know them.)
no subject
Date: 2009-07-22 08:55 pm (UTC)I know! Bella is all supernatural star-crossed romance and Mary looks at that and thinks about holding hands in movie theaters and going swimming at night in lakes and the boy who set up study dates with her in Harvard and ate licorice with her as they talked about Plato and Aristotle. They had black-rimmed mouths when they kissed.
She is not sure yet, but she thinks that that is more what true love is like.
no subject
Date: 2009-07-22 09:12 pm (UTC)OMG YES. Awkward phone calls, the moments where you're not sure he's going to last the week, let alone your life...those are things Mary knows that Bella doesn't.
no subject
Date: 2009-07-22 09:32 pm (UTC)she adds it to the list of things she would like to tell her mother, right under I never said I wanted eternity and yesterday morning I kissed a boy for the first time, and I don't know what to do now.
it is also the list of things she will never tell her mother.
no subject
Date: 2009-07-22 09:35 pm (UTC)Maybe she could ask Bella's mom. Bella doesn't like her, so she must be cool. And doesn't Charlie start dating Leah's mom? Leah knows all about stupid fate and imprinting causing issues.
:(:(
no subject
Date: 2009-07-22 10:04 pm (UTC)heeee 'Bella doesn't like her so she must be cool'. ROFL
OMG WHY DID I NOT THINK OF LEAAAA? Ooooh. Possibilities! And I bet Mary would just love hanging out with werewolves. She probably wishes she was one, if she had to be something supernatural.
no subject
Date: 2009-07-22 10:39 pm (UTC)At least you planned ahead. But I want to enjoy all the Charlie moments :)
no subject
Date: 2009-07-22 10:48 pm (UTC)It is hard to learn how to love people when you can only stay for so long.
no subject
Date: 2009-07-22 11:00 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-07-23 01:24 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-07-23 08:20 am (UTC)Oooohhh. I like that a lot. I do. Family is necessarily harder than just being with the people you want to be with.
no subject
Date: 2009-07-25 08:55 pm (UTC)*starts scribbling*
no subject
Date: 2009-07-26 12:31 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-07-26 12:45 am (UTC)*whimpers in corner*
no subject
Date: 2009-07-26 12:47 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-07-26 01:07 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-07-26 01:08 am (UTC)You want to fix things! It makes writing fun.
no subject
Date: 2009-07-26 02:48 am (UTC)Angela honestly barely appears past book 1. I think she may have a couple of scenes in 2, maybe one scene in 3? In short, Bella's life revolves around Edward.
YAY FOR FIXING THINGS!
no subject
Date: 2009-08-04 04:11 am (UTC)Yes it's that good. I like how Renesmee is more human than vampire and she doesn't like being a vampire (at least that's what I got from it) but I love the new character. How she knows not to tell her mother about first dates and things. But I was thinking maybe you could send the letter to Edward sometime. I'd like to see the contraversy of that.
But it's your story, so... but it's AWESOME. Keep up the good work!
no subject
Date: 2009-08-04 09:36 pm (UTC)I think yes, she doesn't like being a vampire, but at the same time she is willing to embrace that part of herself much more now, whereas before, and especially in the college one, she was having a lot more trouble with that. (She's getting a lot more comfortable with it and growing up in the next piece I'm working on in the... omg it's a series now. uh.)
Excuse me while I go hyperventilate in the corner. :P
I'm really glad you enjoyed it!
no subject
Date: 2009-08-04 09:56 pm (UTC)no, no, that's good. even if it is a little nerve racking.
lol ^.^ sorry.
ya, i can't wait to read more!
no subject
Date: 2009-08-05 05:53 am (UTC)I'm definitely recommending this to my friends. :)
no subject
Date: 2009-08-05 06:16 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-08-05 06:26 pm (UTC)She grows until she looks like she's 17, then she stays that way forever.
A least that's what it says in Breaking wind...
no subject
Date: 2009-08-05 06:31 pm (UTC)