be_themoon: I want a better world. By me. (Narnia: how far we've come)
[personal profile] be_themoon
First of all, a very happy birthday to [ profile] rabidline ! It's an important one, and I hope you had a wonderful day. *hugs*

Went to the dentist today. No cavities, but I have such crazy teeth. Three of my baby teeth? HAVE NOTHING BENEATH THEM. And therefore will leave HOLES in my MOUTH when they come out. NOT COOL. Also one of my teeth has apparently fused itself to the bone and will eventually have to be pulled out. I repeat, NOT COOL.

Also, I wrote something very quickly tonight, something that's neither of the fic projects I should be working on. I think it needs a bit of editing, and it feels rough to me. But eh, here it is. Inspired by [ profile] lassiterfics and [ profile] zempasuchil beautiful Sea Change fic, and also [ profile] turkeyish 's comment here.

Tentatively titled: Leave Behind Time

Some days Susan thinks she is insane. She writes to Edmund one winter day, Insanity is not necessarily the lack of an ability to logically reason, but logical reasoning that leads to a conclusion the person then rejects.

When his reply comes, she purses her lips and scowls at the letter in her hand. But sometimes logical reasoning doesn’t work, because magic defies all attempts at logic being applied to it.


Peter writes her one day, Have you ever wondered why everyone says time goes in a line?

She writes back, Why would I? They don’t know any better.

They both know that time is unpredictable, and can travel in circles as well when it likes (Lucy had her third thirteenth birthday party only a few months ago).


Have you ever thought of how much like magic time is? Edmund writes her that summer while she’s in America. You can’t really apply logical reasoning to it.

Don’t be ridiculous, she replies, you can apply logical reasoning to everything.

Not lions, Edmund writes back with confidence, as though it’s their own private joke. Susan crumples up the letter and tosses it onto her bed.

Later, she smooths it out and reads the rest of the mundane news it contains. There’s a postscript at the bottom.

We have the most wonderful news, but a letter can’t really hold it. We miss you. Caspian sends his regards to you and Peter.

She crumples it up again and this time throws it on the fire.


Once, she and Peter had joked that she was water, fluid and easy to change.

They don’t joke about it anymore, because it looks like she is. Only she knows the way every inch of her protests against her new surroundings, and how she hates the way the sun is harsher here in the world she doesn’t love.

When she and Peter meet for lunch, she can practically see the scorch marks he leaves on the world around him as he tries to fit into it. She is more gentle in her assimilation, and Peter mentions it when he leaves, with a sort of sad smile.

“You always were the Gentle,” he adds, and it makes her angry, this assumption that she’s just giving up all that they had, turning her back on it without a reason.

“I won’t pine for a land that refused to have me!” she snaps, and it’s the last time Peter hears her speak of Narnia.


Sometimes the only way to really understand things is to step back and view them subjectively
, she writes to Edmund. And to do that, you have to let go of them first.

She receives his reply two days later. I think, he writes, and she can tell from the way his handwriting is firmer and more sloping that he concentrated on these lines, that some things are better viewed from within, intimately, as it were. Love, for instance, cannot be viewed objectively because that kills everything it stands for.

Is that what we held for Narnia?
she writes back. Love? And what did Narnia think of us? And Aslan? We were just pawns for him, a convenient quartet coming through the Professor’s wardrobe to save his pet country.

Edmund is still concentrating on his writing when he replies. Whatever we were to Aslan, to Narnia we were their Kings and Queens. And we loved them and they loved us.

He breaks his paragraph there, and when he resumes the ink on the page is even blacker, like lines of death. Peter is burning himself and everyone around him to ashes. The sort of damage he carries with him always doesn’t come from fairytales, Susan. You know that as well as I do.

Susan doesn’t answer that letter for a month, and when she does she writes only of the last dance she went to. She can imagine Edmund’s face crumpling when he reads it, the way he’ll probably toss it on the floor in frustration.


Have you ever wondered why everyone says time is a straight line?
Lucy writes Susan.

No, but it’s probably because it’s true
, Susan answers. Peter and Edmund hold some interesting theories on it, perhaps you should ask them. I’m not that good at philosophizing.

She had been, once.


Peter still leaves scorch marks on the world around him, even on Susan sometimes, and Edmund seems to pass almost sideways through the world, and Lucy sometimes looks like she can walk through everything and straight into a beyond that shouldn’t exist, but Susan has worked too hard to forget the world that wouldn’t have her.

So she moves solidly through life, and feels that she has left behind the grace she used to hold, but if she has, she has also left behind the scars.

Date: 2009-03-18 08:00 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
OMG, Susan! I'm not as fascinated with Susan as I am with the others, but I'm now thinking of the possibilities... :O

Date: 2009-03-18 12:25 pm (UTC)
ext_80109: (Narnia: Lucy at the train station)
From: [identity profile]
I think too much about these things, as evidenced by the scraps of Narnia fics that are now scattered throughout all my papers. O.o

Edmund tells Lucy, Time heals all wounds.

But time's all messed up itself, Susan thinks, though she doesn't say anything aloud. And besides, these aren't ordinary wounds.

Peter doesn't say anything. He's burning up in silence, and doesn't know how to put it out.

Date: 2009-04-22 02:22 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]

I really disliked book!Susan.
But this, this is wonderful, and it's true, and I can feel it all. Her hurt, her pride, he refusal of a land that refused her first.

You are showing her in a wonderful light and this is an amazing peice of work.

I must dig through your other things.

Date: 2009-04-23 01:30 am (UTC)
ext_80109: (Narnia: night warrior)
From: [identity profile]
Thank you again! XD I'm glad you enjoy my Susan-pieces, they're my favorite of my writings. I adore Susan (and Edmund). Much as I love all the Pevensies, Susan edges out as my favorite I think.

Anyways, thanks again! <333


be_themoon: I want a better world. By me. (Default)
I can learn to stand alone

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