"the other heaven" - an erasure
Sep. 3rd, 2009 10:50 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
be_themoonI would suggest reading the fabulous trocó ("she bargained") by ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
zempasuchil as well if you haven't already, because a) it's gorgeous and b) it's an erasure of the same fic and the two pieces are really quite different.
the other heaven
an erasure of el otro cielo
original fic bylettersandliars, erasure by be_themoon
her own skin echoes drumlike heartbeats
startled by roaming and herself.
she needs to blind herself more
the beginning smiled lightly
tripped a little.
The light sparkles like fire
The gardens remember the scent like a dream
lotus flowers stand out pale against color
How they grow.
fine hems and knees.
“what I’ve heard,” she says,
smoothing bare earth,
shaded, veiled by
“start to rely on what they don’t know,”
doesn’t finish, moves her hand.
eyes and green shoots between small fingers
wonder in her face.
“Whatever they choose to be,” she replies
pulls up
throws in
pulls aside and
her easy grin makes it not any other mouth
used to dim light, spiced wine and tastes almost too dull
here, underneath chandeliers that shine like morning sun
The table is piled with fruits that bleed against lips
and once or twice she’s not hands And eyes
wide and following
the intricate and smooth movements of their arms
the beautiful distractions intoxicating and infinite
and that’s the end
she won’t know the right steps, none of it.
her wrist those are lips against her ear,
murmuring nothing,
loosening the smiles on the other.
The night is close.
fires blaze in private rooms and it feels like home,
she thinks The way out isn’t leaning on the floor.
she doesn’t mind at all
She watches faces and laughs
smiles languidly through sighs and stretches eyes half closed.
It’s impossible to be certain of the time she pulls herself upright
the shadows make: a case, a curve of neck.
a glance a smile sit up a little straighter.
draw the thin powder out,
how it glistens, the curved ‘o’ of her lips as the flames rise up to meet her and they are
beast bird lion both.
fire and sharpness,
but it bows under her touch
She closes she opens
ash slides through.
fighting a smile.
“I can’t recall,” she says,
and relents a little
“There is magic here,” picks stands on tiptoe to break off the tree.
The grove is (maybe gold)
She watches hands tear flesh
“Only as much as we tolerate,” she says, but the words are her own.
“there is too much darkness in it.”
“It’s just a force.
It doesn’t exist.
It’s just people.”
The last skin falls rosy-pink
teeth sink into mud.
“You’d hate it.”
-
lost in the complexities of being wrapped in furs,
whispering wintertime.
the scratching lullaby ends carefully,
with a smile stretched across hands and whispers against
mouth
lips
cheeks
flowers
arms discarded to the floor.
she cuts roots and leaves and trees to murmur certain reverence and vengeance
Clouds roll up and hands are steady as she reaches out
to touch a little cry
the smoke swirls and it is beautiful like rain and fire and
She draws her shaking hand back
“You mustn’t,”
with a tremor in her voice like a hurricane
more time to burn
She watches ripples take shapes
of faces, limbs, and meal.
She loses with yearning.
Not quite.
knows Dark against pale,
slick as glass, exposed.
They open the door and lay her gently
“Only sleeping,”
and they hold vigil
she shivers
to wake her means it comes out empty
and it is cold, cold, cold if nothing else
this is true.
She looks into sky bleached so light her eyes burn
over the reason of her mind.
Someone weeps.
the familiar standing over her with relief
how thin and pale she looked!
How long she had been sleeping,
how long since she last ate.
her lips are flooded
She can just see veiled amusement.
“I think it’s time,” he says,
in what could be defiance or a bow.
zempasuchil as well if you haven't already, because a) it's gorgeous and b) it's an erasure of the same fic and the two pieces are really quite different.the other heaven
an erasure of el otro cielo
original fic by
lettersandliars, erasure by be_themoon her own skin echoes drumlike heartbeats
startled by roaming and herself.
she needs to blind herself more
the beginning smiled lightly
tripped a little.
The light sparkles like fire
The gardens remember the scent like a dream
lotus flowers stand out pale against color
How they grow.
fine hems and knees.
“what I’ve heard,” she says,
smoothing bare earth,
shaded, veiled by
“start to rely on what they don’t know,”
doesn’t finish, moves her hand.
eyes and green shoots between small fingers
wonder in her face.
“Whatever they choose to be,” she replies
pulls up
throws in
pulls aside and
her easy grin makes it not any other mouth
used to dim light, spiced wine and tastes almost too dull
here, underneath chandeliers that shine like morning sun
The table is piled with fruits that bleed against lips
and once or twice she’s not hands And eyes
wide and following
the intricate and smooth movements of their arms
the beautiful distractions intoxicating and infinite
and that’s the end
she won’t know the right steps, none of it.
her wrist those are lips against her ear,
murmuring nothing,
loosening the smiles on the other.
The night is close.
fires blaze in private rooms and it feels like home,
she thinks The way out isn’t leaning on the floor.
she doesn’t mind at all
She watches faces and laughs
smiles languidly through sighs and stretches eyes half closed.
It’s impossible to be certain of the time she pulls herself upright
the shadows make: a case, a curve of neck.
a glance a smile sit up a little straighter.
draw the thin powder out,
how it glistens, the curved ‘o’ of her lips as the flames rise up to meet her and they are
beast bird lion both.
fire and sharpness,
but it bows under her touch
She closes she opens
ash slides through.
fighting a smile.
“I can’t recall,” she says,
and relents a little
“There is magic here,” picks stands on tiptoe to break off the tree.
The grove is (maybe gold)
She watches hands tear flesh
“Only as much as we tolerate,” she says, but the words are her own.
“there is too much darkness in it.”
“It’s just a force.
It doesn’t exist.
It’s just people.”
The last skin falls rosy-pink
teeth sink into mud.
“You’d hate it.”
-
lost in the complexities of being wrapped in furs,
whispering wintertime.
the scratching lullaby ends carefully,
with a smile stretched across hands and whispers against
mouth
lips
cheeks
flowers
arms discarded to the floor.
she cuts roots and leaves and trees to murmur certain reverence and vengeance
Clouds roll up and hands are steady as she reaches out
to touch a little cry
the smoke swirls and it is beautiful like rain and fire and
She draws her shaking hand back
“You mustn’t,”
with a tremor in her voice like a hurricane
more time to burn
She watches ripples take shapes
of faces, limbs, and meal.
She loses with yearning.
Not quite.
knows Dark against pale,
slick as glass, exposed.
They open the door and lay her gently
“Only sleeping,”
and they hold vigil
she shivers
to wake her means it comes out empty
and it is cold, cold, cold if nothing else
this is true.
She looks into sky bleached so light her eyes burn
over the reason of her mind.
Someone weeps.
the familiar standing over her with relief
how thin and pale she looked!
How long she had been sleeping,
how long since she last ate.
her lips are flooded
She can just see veiled amusement.
“I think it’s time,” he says,
in what could be defiance or a bow.
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no subject
Date: 2009-09-05 02:05 am (UTC)Oh, awesome! You picked out one of my favorite parts - I loved Z's erasure of that section to pieces and I tried to be really careful about not copying her, so it possibly got the most attention. It was also a really awesome part in the original fic. XD Thank you again! You are so awesome.