be_themoon: I want a better world. By me. (SPN: Jo: a great big world)
[personal profile] be_themoon
 + I, uh, may or may not have revamped all my icons. Again. (Note: the one icon that has remained constant since more or less the beginning is Susan-being-kickass. The icon might change, but it's the one type of icon I think I've always had. SUSAN.)

+ it's not my fault! it's just, there was Jo, and I LOVE Jo, and plus it was a wanderlust icon! and things just kept spiraling completely out of control from there. (also WANDERLUST. I have it so badly.)

+ People have been wonderfully awesome today! flist, carry on being awesome! <333

+ One thing that was not particularly awesome - in the lesson at Sunday school today, the teacher spent a good five-ten minutes talking about how it's your fault (and only yours) if you're upset, or sad. Which - okay, I think I'm a mindset where I can actually talk intelligently about this for a moment. I'd say some of the moods I get into are completely my fault, because I let myself fall into them. But some of them are not, in any way, my fault. Saying I'm bipolar sounds like a cop-out, and heaven knows I almost always feel guilty when I get to hide in my room because of it, especially because I haven't been officially diagnosed. But when I can go from joyful and happy to snappish and pissed and hopeless in less than a minute, without any outside influence, there's definitely something wrong. And yes, some of my moods I can control. But some of them I can't, and that's not my fault, and I am so tired of my dad and the people at church espousing the view that depression/any mental disease is something that can be fixed just by being saved. It's hard for me to listen to, and I can only imagine how difficult it must be for people with problems more serious than mine. 

+ Huh! I still feel happy. This is good. 

+ You guys, the "gotcha" moment from the Doctor Who finale is now guaranteed to make me start crying. Actual tears! OH SEASON FIVE, how so AWESOME?

+ I have writing mojo back! Interestingly enough, not for fanfic at all (oops! uh. I will get those things I need to write done! I will! Just not today. Or this week.). In fact, it is all for original fic, Harborverse and then I've got some 2K of character outlining and scene bits for something to put in the WIP folder and come back to later. Or possibly I'll just write today, whatever I want to, because I have inspiration and I have been missing this so much, so MUCH. The joy of writing is a beautiful thing, and I really needed that yesterday, and I love the feeling and the joy of visualizing things and writing them down and I just love it so so much. <3333 I'm off to write now! 

ETA: I almost forgot! I wanted to link you to all to this fantastic anti-rape ad - apparently it is being run in Scotland? It is really well-done.

Date: 2010-07-12 06:43 pm (UTC)
fallingtowers: (Mood: Mental)
From: [personal profile] fallingtowers the lesson at Sunday school today, the teacher spent a good five-ten minutes talking about how it's your fault (and only yours) if you're upset, or sad.

*offers you a hug if you need / want / can accept one*

I hate it when people do this. My father -- who is very much a non-religious or even anti-religious person, by the way -- used to tell me lots about "the power of positive thought" when I was in one of various depressive periods, so I very much sympathize with your annoyance. Mental health problems just aren't anyone's "fault" at all. How hard is it to understand?

Date: 2010-07-12 12:26 am (UTC)
ext_42328: Language is my playground (Narnia - Susan and Lucy)
From: [identity profile]

the teacher spent a good five-ten minutes talking about how it's your fault (and only yours) if you're upset, or sad

Sounds like your teacher's ingested a bastardised version of Cognive Behavioral Therapy (all the recriminations, none of the coping techniques).


Date: 2010-07-13 06:05 pm (UTC)
ext_80109: (DW: Amy: passionately curious)
From: [identity profile]
Ugh, yes. I've seen it from other people, but the religious people I know have been the worst about it. My dad was just doing this whole conversation FUCKING AGAIN this morning. So tired of that! "Being saved is being in the joy of the Lord! If you aren't happy it's your fault! You just have to get saved!" etc. etc. and SO FORTH.

it is awesome, isn't it? I'm really impressed.

Date: 2010-07-14 01:13 am (UTC)
ext_42328: Language is my playground (Narnia - Susan - Don't believe anymore)
From: [identity profile]

It's bullshit.

Date: 2010-07-12 01:10 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I love your Jo icon! She's my favorite character from SPN.

Date: 2010-07-13 01:48 am (UTC)

Date: 2010-07-12 05:06 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Given how out-of-control your dad seems based on your stories here, I'd say he probably has no ability to will himself out of any particular emotion either. And guess what? It's because no one can.

You can develop coping methods. But emotions are emotions and I'd like to see your Sunday school teacher try to consciously will herself into happiness after her puppy dies, or something.

Date: 2010-07-13 06:09 pm (UTC)
ext_80109: (A:TLA: Katara: can't knock me down)
From: [identity profile]
Yes, precisely. Coping mechanisms, I have them! LOADS of them. But that doesn't mean that I can always control my emotions through them, and I know my dad can't (though the fact that he refuses to acknowledge that he has any problems, whatsoever, is probably keeping him from having any coping mechanisms or just isolating himself when things aren't going well.)

The attitude is just such BULLSHIT that it's kind of weird. Like, how do you think that? It doesn't make sense!

Date: 2010-07-13 12:37 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]

okay, so when I'm depressed there is nothing in the world that can pull me out of it, but even when I'm not? It's not like I can magically fix moods! They don't work like that! Sometimes you can, like, fix things, but that involves doing something else that will in turn (maybe) cheer me up. Moods are not controllable by force of will, aaaagh.

Date: 2010-07-13 06:10 pm (UTC)
ext_80109: (HL: Methos: not afraid to run away)
From: [identity profile]
I think it's more that she truly believes that if you can't ever blame anyone else for any of your moods, ever, and she extends that all the way to if you're unhappy, you have no one to blame but your SELF. and then tacks on a "if you're saved, Jesus will keep you happy!" at the end, just because.

ugh ugh ugh. the attitude is just so absurd! I don't GET it.

Date: 2010-07-14 05:32 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Oh, god, that is just awful and totally untrue and uuuuuugh.

Date: 2010-07-18 08:30 pm (UTC)
ext_80109: (Leverage: Parker&Hardison: thieves)
From: [identity profile]
it's stopped surprising me now, though I'm still mystified every time I run across it. I don't get how people can believe that. :/

Date: 2010-07-13 02:45 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Ah, the Scotland anti-rape ad! Has made me happy for days! And then Switzerland let Polanski off the hook and now I am back in a feminist rage.

I like your new icon.

I do not like your Sunday school teacher.

Date: 2010-07-13 06:13 pm (UTC)
ext_80109: (Narnia: Susan: fire at will)
From: [identity profile]
It's just such a good ad! and oh man, yeah. the Polanski business still has the ability to make me want to scream at people in utter rage, and probably will forever. so much IDIOCY surrounding it! he's an ~*artist*~! it's not like it was RAPE rape. YOU KNOW.

I like my new icons too, especially Jo! Jo + wanderlust makes me HAPPY.

most of the time she's pretty nice, really. It's just.. those times. Like many religious people, they can be really fabulous a lot of the time, and then every so often casually drop something that just hurts.


be_themoon: I want a better world. By me. (Default)
I can learn to stand alone

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